Wednesday, September 18, 2013

April 25, 2013 - Something is Amiss

Dear Anne,
      Today is just one of those days that don't seem real, you know?

       I know I probably sound like some sort of addict here, but I swear that this makes sense.

        Today I woke up at four in the morning and couldn't get back to sleep. I typically wake early- but never quite that early. I lay in bed for what felt like hours, but each time I glanced at the clock I found that only a few minutes had passed. Eventually I managed to fall back into a fitful sleep, but it was no use- twenty minutes later the alarm rang. I typically don';t even use the alarm- I naturally rise around five thirty. The alarm is set for six.

         For once, Lucy woke up before me. As usual, I made both of our beds as she went down to have breakfast, and I cleaned up whatever we had scattered carelessly around the room last night. Mother, of course, was angry at me for waking late, and I barely had time to say goodbye to Lucy before she left for school at seven. Mother checked that the chores were done- for once, they were actually completed to her liking. With that pleasant surprise, I was able to go out for a walk in the garden before school. My swing was all soggy from the rains several days ago, but that was alright- I didn't mind, really. I still swung anyway, getting my new skirt wet in the process.

       Then we left for school, and we picked up Maddy and Noelle. The convenient this about Maddy living right at the bottom of our hill is that instead of taking the bus she can always just ride to school with us. However Noelle, although she lives practically right next to Maddy, takes the bus, so she typically takes the bus each morning to school (Finn always picks Alexandra up in his new car). However, Noelle had slept over at Maddy's house that night, and so they both rode to school with us this morning.

     Maddy finally purchased the Rose translation from Barnes and Noble, and she says she's so confused by all of the footnotes. I can sympathize.

        Maddy then turned on the music- she brought her Pitch perfect soundtrack, of course, because if she's riding in a limosine she's going to make the best of it. So we danced around to Party in the USA for a while, and started our day off quite nicely.

       However, all morning long I feel as if I've been walking around in a sort of... fog. I can't explain it. This entire morning just feels so... surreal. You wake up and it isn't quite day or night and then you have to dress and go to school. I'm actually writing this at school.

            Perhaps it's that I'm worried about something. I can't imagine what. I do have my dance class today, in which I'm always scolded seeing as I happen to lack any natural rhythm whatsoever. My dance teacher weeps over me- "so graceful and yet so rhythmless!" It's such a tragedy.

        I know that it's probably that I didn't sleep well- I'm sure. However, the feeling from several days before still has not left me- the feeling of foreboding, of unease. If anything, it's grown stronger. I wish I could explain it better- I just can't. It's simply too complicated, and what I feel is far beyond the limits of my vocabulary to define.

           Jehan would approve.

                                            Yours in life and otherwise,